One thing that you learn quickly with an online dating site or with video dating is that communication is more important than ever. Things that we type, for instance, lack tonal infections that may indicate if a statement is meant as a joke or is something more serious.
The best thing that you can do is get in the habit of good communication NOW, so that you can start right away communicating properly with dating matches or with that special someone that you are already in a relationship with.
Let’s look at five easy ways to improve communications in relationships and with dating in general.
Realize that there are right and wrong times to talk
Timing is really important. You don’t want to push someone to talk about something important when they have to be at work in half an hour or if they’ve just had an upsetting interaction at work or with their family.
This also applies when emotions are ‘hot and fresh’. Try to find good times to talk, with the easiest way being to ask your significant other if you can talk later and when it might be good for them. This prevents your mate from feeling blindsided or from being pushed into talking about something critical when they are already stressed from other things.
Active listening can make all of the difference
Try repeating things that you have just heard in your own words before furthering the conversation with your own points. A lot of communication fails when two emotional people are speaking but neither feels like they are being heard. Repeating what you’ve heard, your own way, helps to reassure that special someone that you hear them and that you want to work things out.
Communicate your needs clearly
If you never communicate your needs clearly, then you are partially to blame if you don’t get them. It is unrealistic to expect another human being to read your mind. Think about it. How many times have family members completely surprised you with their actions, even though you’ve known them most of your life?
Communicate your needs clearly so that your partner knows them and can do something about making sure that you get them met!
Avoid accusative speaking
Instead of saying ‘you do this’ or ‘because you…’ type statements, try wording your communications more constructively. This is done quite effectively by replacing statements like ‘you work too much’ with ‘I feel like we’re spending more time on work than on us’.
It still gets the point across but it’s less like pointing a finger in their face. Your partner will feel less defensive and should be much more open to talking about the problem.
Write and revisit your thoughts before speaking
One very modern problem is that our emails often get us in trouble. When you write an email in an emotional state you might not realize just how much emotion overrides your general message. The next time you write an angry or defensive email, try the following experiment.
Write your email but don’t send it. Just save it in draft and sit on it for at least an hour before you read it again. In the time between, don’t obsess over the email, just focus on your work until an hour or two has passed. Overnight waiting gets the best results, but an hour or two should do.
Now, read your email and edit out any extreme emotion that you find there. You’ll be surprised how much is present and when you trim it out, you can send what you actually meant instead of that emotional mess that you almost made the mistake of sending.
Communication is key… so use these tips!
Having a good foundation of communication from the get-go is optimal, but it’s never too late start making things better. To this effect, make sure that you communicate at times that are conducive to effective communication.
Listen to your partner and show them that you’ve understood them with your own words and don’t forget that if you don’t communicate your needs, it’s partly your fault when you don’t get them. Avoid speaking accusatively so that everyone can relax and talk and sit on emotional emails before you make a potentially ‘single-making’ mistake.
Take advantage of these tips so that you can communicate clearly… your relationship is worth the effort!